"Marmaduke is an Asshole"

Joe Mathlete has come to that conclusion in his blog, Joe Mathlete Explains Today's Marmaduke.

It's a little bit of dada comics criticism to brighten your day.

A Funny Thing Happened in the Forum

The International Stoic Forum, that is. A certain provocateur posted a message about how we forum members were all "peace-nick pacifist care-bears." Certain members were not familiar with the term "care bear" and its usage in Internet parlance. Which led to this hilarious reply from Robin (emphasis mine):

Paul wrote:
> --- In stoics@yahoogroups.com, "alicorn1976" wrote:
>> I've been reading this forum for a while now and I really have to
>> wonder why there are so many care-bears on here.
>
> I have missed the point entirely, I'm afraid. What is a "care-bear"?
> On second thoughts, I probably don't need to know.

If you have a strong stomach, go to www.care-bears.com The phenomenon has spread worldwide, but is mainly based in America. The UK has Teletubbies ;-)

The term is sometimes used to mean people who will go to great lengths to avoid confrontation. Just like Cato and Marcus Aurelius, who as we all know spent all their time dressing up in pink fluffy suits and giving out hugs to all and sundry.

Robin

Read up a bit on Cato or Marcus Aurelius and you'll see why I laughed.

Yours truly,
Mr. X

...in a pleasant mood...

The Onion: Satire site or Delphic oracle?

On February 18, 2004, The Onion published a story entitled, "Fuck Everything, We're Doing Five Blades," describing a fictional Gillette executive's response to the Schick Quattro, a razor that offered four blades to the Gillette Mach 3's paltry three.

You think it's crazy? It is crazy. But I don't give a shit. From now on, we're the ones who have the edge in the multi-blade game. Are they the best a man can get? Fuck, no. Gillette is the best a man can get.

What part of this don't you understand? If two blades is good, and three blades is better, obviously five blades would make us the best fucking razor that ever existed. Comprende? We didn't claw our way to the top of the razor game by clinging to the two-blade industry standard. We got here by taking chances. Well, five blades is the biggest chance of all.

Now an actual Gillette executive has announced that they're going beyond satire to launch the Gillette Fusion, a five-bladed razor. Not only five-blades, but a goddamn microchip (to "regulate the voltage and blade action") as well.

Gillette has escalated the razor wars yet again, unveiling a new line of razors on Wednesday with five blades and a lubricating strip on both the front and back.

The razor, known as the Fusion, has blades spaced 30 percent closer than Gillette's current MACH3Turbo system. It also has a single blade on the back of the cartridge for shaving sideburns or trimming under the nose.

Close readers of this blog will note that this is not the first time that the Onion's predictions have come true. Horoscope writers and palm readers should beware. Nostradamus publishers should quake. There's a new oracle of the future in town: America's Finest News Source.

Yours truly,
Mr. X

...shocked and awed...

Harlan McCraney: Presidential Speechalist

The power to craft words into moving speeches is an awesome power, especially when you're crafting speeches for the President of the United State. Harlan McCraney is that master crafter.

As an aside, Andy Dick is quite funny in The Aristocrats, which you should see.

Yours truly,
Mr. X

...me talk pretty one day...

Corpus Delicti

According to the 'Lectric Law Library Lexicon, "corpus delicti" is defined as:

The body of the offence; the essence of the crime.

It was a general rule not to convict unless the corpus delicti can be established, that is, until the dead body has been found. Instances have occurred of a person being convicted of having killed another, who, after the supposed criminal has been put to death for the supposed offence, has made his appearance - alive. The wisdom of the rule is apparent; but in order to insure justice, in extreme cases, it may be competent to prove the basis of the corpus delicti by presumptive, but conclusive, evidence.

My criminal law professor had a more succinct definition:



I like his better.

Yours truly,
Mr. X

...the law comes alive...

UPDATE
For those of you who, like Steve, were confused by my post, the backstory on this post is as follows:

My professor came into class and said, "For those of you who might be confused, I'm going to show you what corpus delicti is."

He grabbed a plastic shopping bag from behind the podium and started opening it, saying, "If you don't have a strong stomach, you might want to look away."

He produced a doll with a knife through its neck, exclaiming, "This is corpus delicti," and showed it around to the class.

We all cracked up. Probably the funniest incident all semester.